One day you will ache like I ache.

Why I cant be happy? Why cant I be permanently happy? After all the things Ive done, to protect, to fix, to re-build, why cant I be permanently happy?

Pain in me is like a healthy flower. Blooming all the time. Its like someone has been paid to water the pain, to cut the unwell, to fertilize it. Pain in me is like water. Flows in my blood streams, blend in it. Pain in me is unbearable, pain in me is unknown, pain in me is undefined.

Does anyone even remember me wearing a pure smile? A genuine laugh? If you do, please explain to me how does it feel when I was in such state, because pain in me is killing me.