Why I cant be happy? Why cant I be permanently happy? After all the things Ive done, to protect, to fix, to re-build, why cant I be permanently happy?
Pain in me is like a healthy flower. Blooming all the time. Its like someone has been paid to water the pain, to cut the unwell, to fertilize it. Pain in me is like water. Flows in my blood streams, blend in it. Pain in me is unbearable, pain in me is unknown, pain in me is undefined.
Does anyone even remember me wearing a pure smile? A genuine laugh? If you do, please explain to me how does it feel when I was in such state, because pain in me is killing me.
You blame people for leaving you, you cursed, you mocked. But don’t you realise? They all came before they left. So you are the one who’s at fault. Why unsealed the opening when you don’t want them to leave? Who welcomed them in your life if it wasn’t you?
I personally think that life is not an option. You cant choose to die when you want to. No matter how hard you try to eliminate yourself from the world, if fate says it is not your time to die yet, you're not going to die. But there are options in life. Options whereby you could arrange your life, options whether you want to live a better life, or worst. You choose.